Its not easy being Green

"Don’t Panic!"  When I First read these words, it didn’t make sense to
me why any hitchhiker would fear their excursion.  If anything, it would
be an adventure!  But, going on my own hitchhike into the life of New York City,
now I can better understand the meaning.

The City allows many paths that one can take.   All the roads, though it
gives us a whole lot of experiences, can sometimes overwhelm you.
If you are not careful, you can get sidetracked from your final destination
or get lost.

My stay in the big city has definitely been a magical journey.
One laced with both good and bad ideas, twist and turns, but ultimately
a path that I have enjoyed emmensely.  Though I am sad that my
journey has come to an abrupt end, I will say that it has definitely
shown me a whole new side of life.  As I’ve always said, life is never
about the destination, its the path that one takes that defines us.

My new path has me riding with toddlers in minivans.  Going to
dinners, talking about family outings.  How Long Can this Last?
I predict that it won’t last long, but you never know…
I never thought that I would live in the city…

Until I find myself hitchhiking my way back to NYC, all I have to say is…
"So Long, and thanks for all the Fish!"

While going through my lunch routine, I read an article about the Milky
Way Galaxy.  In the article, it stated that red supergiants are big old
stars that bloat up to 100 times their normal size before exploding as
supernovae.  (Our star, the sun, is not close to this stage yet, its still
a yellow dwarf.)  While absorbing this factoid, I began thinking about how
life would be if I knew that the sun would explode in about 1000 years (of
course, scientists project the life of the sun to be somewhere in the
billons of years category.)  Probably lots of research would go into
terraforming and interstellar travel.  But after thinking some more, I
started reflecting on my own life and mortality.  I started feeling sad
about how in 40-80 years I would cease to exist consciously.  Soon this
sadness brought on fear.  Fear that I could die in some type of freak
accident.  After a few moments, out from my fear, a cocktail of paranoia
and panic set in.  I started thinking about how I could possibly prevent
both aging, fatal accidents, and figure out what to do with what little
time I had left (which in comparison to the sun is a micro-fraction.)

But, as soon as lunchtime came to a halt, I put that aside and went back
on with my assignments.  Which brings me to today’s ultimate conclusion
that in order to live, one must find purpose.  A direction or path to
follow so we can distract ourselves from thoughts of the inevitable, death
and boredom.  I know that this sounds a bit morbid, but there is a silver
lining to this.  After one night of self pity, I was helped to the
realization that the best distractions are created when we follow a path
that requires struggle and passion.  Without the potential for failure,
tasks become almost involuntary and reflexive, like breathing.  Life is
not a path of successes, its the journey to the outcome (success or
failure).  I may not follow the hardest path all the time, but I’d like to
think that I try to put at least 100 percent into my pursuits.

Maybe Linkin Park got it right that "In the end it doesn’t even matter."
But, "time flys when you’re having fun" and life is much more bearable
both to one’s self and others when one is not "bored to death."

"Forty-Two!?"

Its so obvious!  Why didn’t I think of that.  Now to apply it!  But apply it to what?!

In a world of advice colomnist, statisticians, know-it-alls, and busy-bodies… answers seem to be abundant.  Do this!  Do that!  Call her!  Don’t dance naked on top of the bar!!!

But answers are given based on generic questions.
Q: "I feel pain when I do this.  What should I do?"
A: "Don’t do that!"

Often, I wonder if the need for answers create more problems than solutions.
Especially, in today’s world, where people are looking for quick fixes, you’ve got
to ask yourself are the answers right?!

For the most part, answers given to us by other people are noteworthy but they are answers to incomplete questions.  In a rush to figure out how to fix
something, assumptions are made to simplify the question.

As a scientist-at-heart, I do believe that often the simplest way is usually the correct way.
(KISS theory)
But, if you try to use science to figure out human behavior, your life may
become as boring as the text books that we all had to indure in school.

So instead of keeping it simple, I think that more time should be spent figuring out the exact question, before looking for solutions.  Yes, there may be an Ultimate Solution and yes, it may be 42, but how useful can it be if not applied to the right question?

In order to succeed in life, one must run the extra yard, drive the extra mile, swim the extra lap.  For the most part, I believe that if you put some extra effort, the outcome of whatever you are trying to accomplish will be that much better.  But when does extra effort become futile?  When does the extra umph become detrimental?  I would like to think never, that for every ounce of energy you put into a task or goal, you get an ounce of improvement.  But, that’s not the case.  A wise old man (well not old, but acts the part) once told me that "at some point, putting extra energy into an indevour becomes like an obsession.  You have to just let it go."  It’s the law of Variable Proportion, (aka Law of Diminishing returns.)  Almost like "Captain Ahab chasing his white whale.  If you continue chasing the task, you end up in trouble.  My prediction is pain!"

Well, I believe an indicator of too much effort is when your happiness gets altered for a long period of time.  Don’t get me wrong, I do believe that in life nothing comes easy, but when you are miserable for over a month or three without any real sign of improvement, you know that there’s a problem.  Being a very proud person, I’ve gone through times in my life where I’ve stubbornly and dogmatically followed my "white whale" almost to the point of no return.  But, it was my friends and family who’ve showed me that you can’t just walk through life wearing blinders. 

We all like being the protagonist in our epic story of life, but just don’t let your novel become a tragedy.

Celebrity is like a narcotic. So many people want to be the center of attention, life of the party, recognized immediately. People who have "IT" seem to have everything. They have the lifestyle, the groupies, and the perks, but at what cost? What’s the price for 30 seconds of Fame?

Story 1 — I went out with a friend to see a taping of Conan O’Brien. Before the show began, Conan came out and talked to the audience. During his introductions to the crowd, he points at a guy and give a few seconds to do whatever he wants to introduce himself to the other audience members. The guy gets out of his seat and begins dancing like a whirling dervish. It was extremely funny and he ended up getting a hug from both Conan, Max Weinberg (band leader of the show) and a random audience member. He also received a pair of Max Weinberg’s drumsticks and the applause of the entire audience.

Here the price wasn’t too much. A little self-deprecation, a little humor, and a lot of courage.

Originally, I thought, in order to be famous, one had to pay up the you know what. But, my opinion has changed a bit. Now, I believe that celebrity is all about seizing a moment. In one’s lifetime, you are given a few moments where you can shine or fade. Sometimes you can pay to increase the amount of moments, but, ultimately, its making the most of the moments that you have. And the moments can vary from saving a child from a burning building to helping your child learn how to ride a bike.

Story 2 — In my adolesence, I had been in-and-out of hospitals. My condition did not afford me to attend classes and enjoy the comradery of my peers. One day, I was allowed to visit for a few hours just to check it out. At the time, I was on crutches and moved as fast as a turtle so getting around from place to place took forever. That day, I asked a friend to show me around. He agreed, and for about 3 hours he escorted me to a few different classes. There were moments where if he wasn’t around, I would’ve seriously injured myself. He was extremely patient with me and though he may not know it, or remember it, he will always be a celebrity to me. In my eyes, he was given a moment for greatness and he took it.

Story 3 — When I was a sophmore in college, we threw a party to celebrate my birthday. Being young and brash, we decided to have alcohol at the event (in plain site.) An hour into it, a group of resident advisors come in and bust the party up and confiscate our alcohol. The next day, our resident advisor asked us who was responsible. I took responsiblity because the party was for me, but immediately afterwards, one of my suitemates took equal responsibility for the event. We both got lectured by the dean and received probation. In that moment, my suitemate, now one of my good friends, gained more respect and admiration than any sports figure or actor would ever get.

I guess that Celebrity, like popularity, works on different scales. One can be famous nationwide or one can be famous within their small circle. BTW, during a skit on Conan O’Brien, the camera panned out on the audience near the aisles. I happened to be sitting at the right place at the right time and had my 30 seconds of fame. Also, a few months back I heard that a friend’s parent was sick. Having gone through nursing a sick parent, I made a care package. If I had to give up one, it would be my nationwide exposure. Because, I’m sure that for all the people who saw the show, not one of them would feel the same way as the one who received the care package.

Aretha Franklin wanted it. 

Rodney Dangerfield never got it. 

But what IS respect and who really deserves it and how does one obtain it?  According to Britannica, its giving "high or special regard" or "an act of giving particular attention."  To most people, its a state of reverence earned through actions or words.  But, I believe that everyone deserves respect (in the beginning).  It’s just that there are different levels of respect to which people have the right.  Also, not only can you earn higher levels of respect, you can lose levels of respect too. 

The standard level of respect equates to courtesy.  When meeting anyone for the first time, I’ll automatically give this.  After further interactions, depending on good or bad, I’ll raise or lower my respect levels for that person.  Each persons’ criteria judging respect differs, but I believe it all stems from some form of admiration:  The people I respect the most, I admire them as well.  But I digress…

The formula to obtain respect, in my opinion, is pretty simple.  If you want respect from others, show them respect.  If you wanted to be highly respected by others do admirable deeds.  But, no matter what, don’t forget to respect yourself.  If you can’t respect yourself, how can you expect anyone else to respect you?

If you know me, you know that my love for board games runs high.  I am competitive in nature, so board games allow me to channel my competitive juices without breaking a sweat.  But, as I’ve gotten older, I’ve found that my game selections have been more geared to games that involve heavy interaction rather than strategy.  I find that games that allow everyone to open up and enjoy themselves dons bigger rewards than winning the game.  The way I see it, when you win at a game, unless you’re gambling or playing professionally, you don’t really "win" anything. 

Don’t get me wrong, I still enjoy the occasional "stomping of opponents", but its no longer my priority to kick butt everytime I play.  I’d rather have a good time and have fun, instead of plotting my next move or worrying about my opponents next move.  The drive to succeed is a great quality, I just rather spend it where it counts: in the Game of Life.  By enjoying people’s company rather than trying to win all the time, allows everyone to win.  No one likes a sore loser and definitely a blow-hearted winner so why become that person. 

Some people think that popularity is the greatest thing in the world: Being the center of attention, having everyone know who you are.  Well, being popular means nothing if its due to insubstantial reasons.  Its very unnatural.  When I was growing up, I felt fairly popular, but it wasn’t until I went through some adversity that I realized the superficiality of being popular.  Popularity is definitely a job, but for all its rewards, the energy to maintain popularity is just not worth it. 

Also, a funny thing about popularity is that it can be very unforgiving.  All it takes is one action (not necessarily a mistake), and you can get burned.

I admit that sometimes, I fall into the pitfalls of attempting to impress the crowd: Be the center of attention.  But now, instead of trying to be popular, I just try to be myself.  I just put myself out there.  "This is me!  Apple to Apples playing, Karaoke singing, Paper crane building, Laundry doing, Black Label chugging, Frisbee Tossing, Wine smelling, and sometimes in need of a sippy cup…."  You shouldn’t have to work hard to impress anyone or to be popular.  But, I think that if you are yourself, you will attract similar people that will appreciate you… and thus be popular to them.  Isn’t that what really counts!? 

1 Year and counting!

As my anniversary of living in NYC dawns upon me, I have learned a few things about "living."

1.  Forgive others.  Life is too short to hold grudges.  Plus, some people are not worth the stress that they cause.

2.  Forgive yourself.  Its good to remember past mistakes, so that you can learn to prevent reoccurances.  Dwelling on mistakes wastes a lot of time and energy that can be used to do better things.

3.  Follow the Golden Rule (Do unto others, as you would do to yourself)  But towards your friends, follow the Platinum Rule (Do unto your friends as if they are family).  Friends, (good friends) are hard to come by.  Its hard to determine, especially in the city, who befriends you for the wrong reasons.

4.  "Less is More!"  a) Don’t try to do too much or you may burn yourself out, or worse, fail for lack of time.  b) A few good friends are better than millions of acquaintances.  You don’t want to spread yourself too thin and possibly neglect people you care about.

5.  "Its not whether you win or lose, its how you play the game."  Its always nice to be ontop.  But, sometimes, you have to lose in order to learn how to lose.  a) When doing anything, do it the best way you can.  b) Win or Lose, be gracious.

6.  Small niceties often are better than full scale acts of kindness annually.  Though its nice, and sometimes necessary for grand scale benevolence, small acts of kindness are essential.  (Opening a door, being helpful, giving a compliment)Someone once told me, "Its the little things that matter."  This phrase, though simple, speaks volumes.

7.  LISTEN!  Unless you like the sound of your voice so much that you are narcissistic, you should always let the other person talk.  Plus, you already know about yourself, why repete it?

8.  Finally…  These are 3 simple cheat sheet rules…

1. Live life as if every day was your last
2. Sing songs as if you were singing to yourself in the shower
3. and Dance as if no one else is watching!